bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize