Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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