He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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