Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
