shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
