Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize