Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
