im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
