Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
