I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
