i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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