its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
