Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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