I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
