I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
