I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
