im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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