my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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