it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
