Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
