i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
