The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
