I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
