I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
