I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
