Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize