No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
