she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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