You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
