i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
