Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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