I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
