I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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