So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
