This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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