Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
