his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
