If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
