Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
