I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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