As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize