Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
