Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
