She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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