You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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