What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
