he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
