how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
