It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
