If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize