I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
