He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
