So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
