dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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