Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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