Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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