I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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