There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
