Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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