Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
