did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
