Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
