did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
We got so high we made milksteak
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
