Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
