Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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