Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
