Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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