i don't like sucking hair
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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