i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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