Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
