The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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