You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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