Kiss
Puke
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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