The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
