it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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