k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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