she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
