EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
