it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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