also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
