There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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