she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
