chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's shark week go big or go home
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
