haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
