Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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