youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
