john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
