im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
