Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
