I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
