I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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