The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
