i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Couch. On fire.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
