You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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