so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
my poor anus
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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