Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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