don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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