I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
