The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
