Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
