shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize