At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
