a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
