This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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