Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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