my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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