"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
