i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My dick has a subreddit
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
