Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
