I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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