just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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